Coping with a terminal illness

There's no right or wrong way to feel when you're told you have a terminal illness – a health condition that you'll most likely die from. You might feel numb at first, and unable to take in the news, or feel calm and matter-of-fact about dying.

Your feelings

As time passes, you may experience a range of emotions. It's normal to feel some or all of the following:

  • shock
  • fear
  • anger
  • resentment
  • denial
  • helplessness
  • sadness
  • frustration
  • relief
  • acceptance

You may also feel isolated and alone, even if you have family and friends around you.

You might not experience all of these feelings and, if you do, they'll not necessarily come in any particular order. Whatever you feel, you do not have to go through it alone.

Find someone to talk to

Not everyone wants to talk about what they're going through. However, a terminal (sometimes called life-limiting) diagnosis can bring up worries and fears, and it can help to talk about these so they do not start to feel impossible to deal with.

Family, friends and health professionals

You might want to talk to your partner, family, or friends, or to a doctor, nurse, counsellor, or religious minister.

People close to you will be dealing with their own feelings about your diagnosis. If you or they are finding it hard to talk about it, you might want to talk to someone who is not as close to you, like a counsellor.

Your doctor or nurse can help you find a counsellor. You can also search online to find services in your area.

It can be useful to have someone to talk to at night-time if you cannot sleep. Make sure there's someone you can ring (a friend, relative or the Samaritans), but also recognise that you do not have to lie in the dark and try to sleep. You can turn on the light and do something else.

Living with dying

One step at a time

What you're dealing with can feel overwhelming, but you may be able to make it feel less so by thinking about it as smaller "pieces".

Take one day at a time, or one week at a time. Decide on some small, achievable goals, so that you gain confidence – for example putting family photos into an album, or visiting a friend.

You can still think about bigger issues, such as where you would like to receive your care in the future, but try not to feel that you have to tackle everything at once.

Write down your worries

Some people feel helpless and that everything is out of control. Writing down worries and questions can help you decide what's important to you and how to tackle it.

If you want, you can use what you've written to help you talk about things with your family, friends and carers.

Look after yourself

Try to take some time to do things you enjoy.

Complementary therapies, such as massage and aromatherapy, may help you feel better. It may help the people close to you if they know you're looking after yourself. There may be things that you can do together.

Accept offers of help from friends and family, and give specific examples of support you need and would like. For example, taking you shopping, bringing you meals to put in the freezer, or driving you to appointments.

Actions

Page last reviewed: 06 March 2024

Skip back to top of page